sorry i haven't been writing. i guess i'm only using my stupid online diary to complain. and complain i shall do because i dont even care no more

gregory isn't even my friend anymore. he has other friends he wants to be with. he doesn't care about me. i'm just a square to him. he would rather spend his time anywhere else. i don't care. i'm just mad. i know he doesn't give a fuck about this stupid diary either so i can complain. fuck you. why the FUCK won't you just tell me what i'm doing wrong? why won't anyone tell me what i'm doing wrong? nobody says it to my face. nobody tells me why i'm a horrible awful person. it can't just be that i'm scary. surely there's other reasons. 

and i guess for posterity's sake i'll complain about what happened this week too. on monday i told... agh, screw using fake names. but i will. i told J that i bought the tickets to the aquarium and they text me thursday... let me pull it up.

J: "when are the tickets for?" (5:16 pm)
me: "Whenever until next year / There's not a specific time / But I reckon we should go in the morning to have a 1% chance for parking" (5:33)
J: "could we possibly go next saturday? i know i said i never have plans, but some came up" (5:39)
me: Ok
J: "but we have to go next weekend, unless you have plans" (5:53)
...
so im in hysterics right. there's more
@ 6:48 I get a text saying, "i'm so sorry, i really want to go, but [H] invited me to [theme park] this weekend"
and then i leave them on read. and then i get a text at 8:34 saying "are you upset [pleading emoji]"

are u fuckin kidding me? of course i'm upset. of course i am. i confronted them yesterday about it and they totally blew me off. so i hope theme park is really cold and miserable and maybe it's because i'm right in front of them but everyone agreed with me i'm in the right to be so pissed off. 

and i guess i'm just reminded of all the other times people around me have cancelled to do something more entertaining. gregory with his newfound friends to get drunk with... jason with her boyfriend... AS with her... idk, general general-iness. EG with her sleeping too. and that's off the top of my head.
i guess I can appreciate this person being honest. some people aren't honest at all. they sicken me. but i guess being honest is the silver lining over all of this bullshit. 

but the point of it isn't the tickets. it's not the ninety dollars i spent on tickets. it's the fact that my time and energy is going unnoticed. it's the fact that this person doesn't feel bad about plans changing even though they know i don't like it when people cancel on me. like i feel like this is a normal thing to be upset over no? anyway for posterity's sake i'm gonna write the rest of the text messages, these are from yesterday morning @ 8:19
"just to clarify, she only asked me yesterday -- i told you as soon as i knew
and if our tickets weren't flexible i would've gone with you this weekend no question
so please forgive me [praying emoji]"

the tickets might be flexible but i'm not! because i'm tired of being everyone's second choice!!! :)