being injured SUCKS. i'm in pain whenever i do anything and it's swollen and i don't think it's broken because i can walk fine and i can bear all of my weight on it but OMFG CAN IT STOP BEING SWOLLEN? i don't have insurance so i can't see a doctor and i have a physical on april 12th for my new job and if i don't get it because my foot's fucked up i'm going to be so upset and angry.

i just want to write really but i've been having writer's block since forever it feels like. like nothing is intriguing me to write about. i don't want to write for anything but i want to write because i like writing but i CAN'T write for some reason. open up a blank doc and you know how many words are on there? ZERO!!!

like i don't know. when i still felt like i wanted to write something i have a good several thousand words of an outline. you know the last time i looked at it? last year.

like i have ideas i guess. but when i think about "hmm what do i want to write?" nothing. like i want to write. but i don't want to write at all. i just want to sit and rotate between the same four websites like i'm getting ideas or something but i'm not. i'm not doing anything except rotting and sitting here. it's been hard to write anything it feels like.

and honestly like i want to play a video game desperately. like sit down and play a video game but i'm so busy with homework and school and the free time i do have is for chillin out with friends or writing. like i don't know where to put video games in that schedule. i was thinking about how nice it would be to replay vagrant story or continue with suikoden iii but i haven't played a sit-down video game in like two or three years it feels like. i can pick up a fire emblem game and play a map and that's fine for me, but i just miss it when i blew through 60 hours of a game in a week and a half. i know that sort of stuff is unhealthy but i mean at least i was having fun. when i'm rotting i'm not even doing anything except wasting away. and with my ankle fucked up all i can do is rot.

i want to write stuff for ff7 and for fe11 and i love the idea of writing another xenoblade shulk/zanza fic but will that ever happen? probably not because i can't bring myself to write it and my writing is awful etc etc etc. ugh. YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO WRITE? a silly story. i haven't written a story that makes me laugh in forever.

ugh and not to get obnoxiously dramatic like a middle schooler or anything but one of my friends wants to play ff7 OG and it's like. they're not going to play it because they think every video game that doesn't have an easy mode is "haaaard". they told me p5 tactica was too hard. IT'S A FUCKING TACTICS GAME THAT'S THE POOOOOOIIIIINNTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! WHY PLAY STRATEGY GAMES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CHALLENGED????? YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY MAYBE AN HOUR OF IT, NOT EVEN LEAVE MIDGAR BEFORE YOU SWITCH TO AN ONLINE LET'S PLAY BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL. AND AS SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES THE GAMEPLAY ARGUABLY MORE THAN STORY (ironic i know) IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF WHEN THIS PERSON DOES IT BECAUSE NO!!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT MAKING THE BISHOUNEN CHARACTERS HAVE SEX!!!! STOP TELLING ME YOUR MILQUETOAST TAKES ON THE STEREOTYPICAL FINAL FANTASY BLOND TWINK SHACK UP WITH ANOTHER TWINK!!! STOOOOP!!! CAN YOU TALK ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN GUYS BONING????????????? MAYBE A "HOW WAS YOUR DAY" THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE BEING NEGATIVE ABOUT EVERY MINOR INCONVENIENCE IN YOUR LIFE? WHAT ABOUT ACTUALLY HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T DIRECTLY RELATED TO ONLY YOUR INTERESTS!?!!?! BUT EVERY TIME I TRY TO INITIATE SOMETHING LIKE THAT I GET LEFT ON READ. THERE'S NO WINNING!!!!!!!!!!

you know. now that i think about it. maybe that person is the negative energy i need to cut off in my life to write again. hmmmm

if you're reading this you're either stalking me or picked up the ff8 prompt for seifer/squall. either way, hi! hehe.

I always think about the scene in disc 2 where squall is being electrocuted... I'd like for it to take place in Galbadia Prison during that time, but what the torture consists of is up to you. could be before/during/after, could be squall lamenting over being in prison, could be about seifer having the time of his life. etc etc etc

I like the canon stuff but i don't have any hard DNWs as long as they aren't genderbent and/or being feminized please (i also don't want 1st/2nd person pov). i don't care if you write scat or hard gore or something super duper angsty but not explicit at all. i just want THEM!! you can include zell/selphie/quistis/rinoa if you think your story will flow better with them but i want the focus to be on squall and seifer. thank you! love you!!!